Quoting and Titles Are Fine To Curse

Today in class we were doing a performance of A Raisin in the Sun, and the author, Lorraine Hansberry, uses several curse words in it. (It doesn't take away from the quality of the book, though - I really liked it.) In the scene that we were performing, the h word and d word came up a few times, and the girls said them. I completely support this, as they're quoting the words, not saying them in a negative way. (I've blogged about this topic before.) Then the term son of a b***h came up, and the girl said it out loud.

I felt the entire room flinch, and I did, too. "It's okay," the teacher said. "You were so caught up in reading, you didn't mean to. It's fine." While I understand that it was an accident that she did say the word, I still support the fact that she said the word. It was a quote, and while the b word is a pretty strong word, she was quoting it, and it's not like none of us were unfamiliar with the word - it really was fine that she said it!

Classism and Cursing

Today in English, we were reviewing grammar homework. "But who cares if our speech is grammatically correct?" one frustrated girl asked.

"When you speak with precision and with proper grammar, it makes a good impression," our teacher responded. She went on to explain that people often judge others' class based on appearances and speech, explaining that while it's most definitely not fair, when you act and speak a certain way, people will think less or more of you. It all depends on which way you decide to go. This concept applies to cursing: what class do you think people will think you belong to when you curse?

Backpacks in the Library

I was standing on line at the library, waiting to take out some books, when I noticed there was a guy with a backpack on standing in front of me. The backpack had a picture of a monkey on it, and would have been cute, had the s word not been displayed on it in capital letters. I rolled my eyes and really wanted to make a comment to the owner of the backpack, but decided against it, as the guy was probably about six feet tall and taking out some horror movies. Had he been a little shorter and taking out some books, however...

Why I Indulge in Category 2 Words

Most people would think that as the creator of Bleep!, I've never said a bad word in my life.

Guess what?

I have. Everyone's slipped at some point in their life (as I have blogged about previously), and sometimes you just wanna say a word and you say it, throwing caution to the winds. I have admitted that I do indulge in words I call Category 2 words (but never worse on purpose), like crap, sucks, screw, etc., that are slightly objectionable, but have never been considered earth-shatteringly horrible.

Today I said the word crap, and immediately my friends were on me. "How can you say that? You're the creator of Bleep!!" they exclaimed, slightly horrified. The reason I do indulge in milder of the objectionable words out there is because I'm trying to show that Bleep!'s mission is not to make a blind blanket ban on all bad words. The First Amendment guarantees you the right to say whatever you want, and if you want to use a word that few people will be offended by, then go ahead. Might people think less of you? Yeah. They might. It's a chance that anyone, like me, has to take when they use Category 2-type words.

My bottom line: it's really okay if you say a mild word here and there. Just don't make it the only words you use.

Even Feminists Fall Prey to the Double Standard

I think many of you know that I describe myself as a radical feminist, having written two award-winning papers about feminism for National History Day and getting published on feminist blogs. I try my best (and sometimes annoy myself with how politically correct I can get) to remain gender neutral and as feminist as I can be. However, even the best of us can fall prey to the double standard.

My mom and I saw a play, MazelTov Cocktail, a number of weeks ago. (Its run is over, but I would suggest it otherwise.) It was a cute play and we really enjoyed it, but our biggest complaint was that the female actor in the one-person show cursed a lot. "It just wasn't warranted," my mom complained. I nodded; it had seemed kinda icky that she cursed so much. It was in character that she cursed, and I understood why she did, but I couldn't help but think less of her for it.

A couple of weeks ago we saw another play called Defending the Caveman (which was clutching-your-side hilarious - at some points it got inappropriate, so only for 13+ audiences, but it was totally hilarious), a one-person show with a male actor. He often cursed in the play, but my mom and I shrugged it off. "He's a guy," we rationalized. My mom even mentioned MazelTov Cocktail. "When she cursed, it was inappropriate, but when he cursed, it was okay," she said.

It only hit me after we excused him for cursing that it was totally unfair!! How could we allow the man from Defending the Caveman to curse, but not the woman from MazelTov Cocktail? That wasn't fair - if I'm gonna think less of her for cursing, I have to think less of him too! I'm just perpetuating the double standard! How could I do that?

Yup - Biden Dropped the F-Bomb

Last night as I was watching the news about Pres. Obama signing the new health care bill, they featured another headline: Biden Drops the F-Bomb! If you watch the video, you'll see that after VP Biden introduced Obama, he whispered, "This is a big f***ing deal" to him.

While the health care reform bill may indeed be a big deal, I don't see why Biden had to use profanity to describe it. Biden's put his foot in his mouth a few times before, but I don't recall any time he used profanity. It truly was an extremely poor decision to curse in front of a room of people and lots of cameras where it can be heard, recorded, and shown to the public. This is why you should avoid cursing in writing: it's always there, so it can be used against you in the future. In this case, cameras and lots of witnesses took the stead of writing. Everyone in the room heard Biden curse, and all the cameras picked up on it, allowing the American people to hear Biden's beautifully mature words.

So to all you Obama and Biden fans: after hearing Biden curse, what do you think of him?

How Ironic...

For all of you who follow the Bleep! blog or on Google Buzz, you'll have noticed that I posted about how it's not illegal to slip every once in a while and curse accidentally. I just thought I'd say how ironic it is that last night, after I wrote the post, I almost slipped! I was talking to my mother about how some people just don't care about the negative effects of cursing, and I said, "They just don't give a sh...whoops!" I just thought I'd share this for all yawl to know that even those of us who feel really strongly about cursing (almost) curse every once in a while, too!

It's Not Illegal to Slip Every Once in a While

I was talking to a friend of mine who never, ever, ever curses, and while we were speaking, a Category 3 word slipped out. "Oh no! I'm so sorry!" she said, face turning purple. Since I knew that this was not her typical vocabulary and could tell she was mortified that she had said it (to the creator of Bleep! no less), so I didn't judge her because of it. Of course I wouldn't! She slipped. It's legal.

Really - you're allowed to slip and say a bad word every once in a while, I promise! While it can be extremely embarrassing to slip, most people will not judge you based on one if they understand it's not the way you usually speak. (This is why it's important to make it very clear when you do slip that you're extremely sorry and humiliated.) So while you may have to deal with some of the negative effects of cursing, chances are people will be understanding. Really - it's not illegal to slip every once in a while!

Save Bad Words for When You Really Need Them

While it's never ideal to use bad words, I make it very clear that there are certain times and places where they're more acceptable than others. If you're in a private place with friends who are comfortable with cursing, there are no young children around, and no one who will think less of you/will dislike your word choice can hear you, it's acceptable to curse. However, while there are times that you can "acceptably" curse a blue streak, you may want to save those words for a time when you need them.

I know that sounds odd - like, when do you "need" to use bad words, let alone any type of word? I think everyone speaks in certain ways to certain people. (After all, would you feel comfortable saying "what up?" to your principal?) You "need" to use certain words with certain people. When you use language you don't usually use, people are more likely to listen to you. For example, if you normally liberally sprinkle like in your conversation (a crime I am guilty of) and make an effort to cut out the likes in a particular conversation, people will probably listen to you and take you more seriously. If you often curse, people will get desensitized to that type of language and will be less shocked when you use bad words. However, if you make an effort to keep your mouth clean, people will be extremely shocked that you cursed.

This can work both ways. People will be shocked in a bad way: if you, someone who always speaks with precision, cursed, how much more will they think less of you! (In the Old Testament, Miriam was severely punished for speaking petty gossip about Moses. One explanation for this was because she was on such a high spiritual level, she was punished more harshly than someone else would have been.) It can also work in the opposite way: people will also see that you really mean what you are saying. Once I was talking with one of my friends, and she said, "Please excuse my language, but she is such a b***h!" While there may be better words out there to use than the b word, by using such strong language that was totally uncharacteristic of my friend, I understood how annoyed she was.

Don't you want to have those bad words stored up if you really need them?

Check Out this Article

I just stumbled on this article that discusses how derogatory the b word is. WARNING: This article contains some uncensored words and objectionable concepts. It is nonetheless an excellent read that proves why the b word is so totally inappropriate.

Once You've Said It, It's Always There

I was recently watching iCarly, a show I usually only watch while babysitting. The episode I was watching was iKiss, where Carly's friend Sam told everyone watching the iCarly web show that their other friend, Freddie, had never kissed anyone. Freddie gets extremely embarrassed and stops coming to school or talking to anyone. Carly gets angry at Sam for humiliating him like she did, telling her that no matter how she apologizes to him, nothing will work - she's already done the damage and spread the word. (Watch the episode to find out the resolution!)

This concept can also go for cursing. Once you've said a bad word, you've said it; there's no way to take it back. This isn't to say that if you say one bad word in you're life, you're doomed to being thought of as someone who curses. However, it is a reminder to always really guard your mouth. You don't want people thinking that you curse often, and if you let words slip more than a few times, people may start thinking so.

This is also something to be remembered when gossiping, too. While Bleep!'s message is primarily against cursing, anything relating to bad language is also in Bleep!'s general domain. If you say something against someone, spread a rumor that's true or false, anything bad about anyone else, there's no way to take it back. It will always be out there. Think about what you say before you say it: is it something you want to be floating in people's minds forever?

Certain Words in Certain Places

I think everyone knows that if you insist on cursing, you shouldn't yell out "f**k you!" in the middle of a preschool or "you b***h!" in a house of worship. As the creator of Bleep!, I hold that all alternatives to bad words (e.g. shoot, crud, etc.) are acceptable to use. They are. However, even alternatives have their time and place. A friend of mine pointed out that when I yelled out "what the heck?" in the middle of the school lunchroom, it might not have been the most appropriate place to use any word in that vein.

I'm not trying to say that it was inappropriate that I used that kind of word; I'm just saying that you (and I) have to remember where we are at all times. It's not so appropriate to say "what the heck" to a teacher or in school; it's not appropriate to say "oh, pooh," in the middle of religious services. If it's a choice between an alternative and a real word, then hands-down no question, use the alternative. However, bear in mind that while words like heck and crud are appropriate when you're among friends, they may not be in certain other situations.

You Can't Be Punished for Your Thoughts

People who don't curse often tell me that they feel guilty when they say a bad word in their thoughts. Here's a secret: I curse a lot in my head. I just don't allow it to come out of my mouth. While it's advisable to avoid cursing in your thoughts and your speech (since you know you're cursing and may lose self-respect, in addition to the possibility of something slipping out), it's not the end of the world if you do. You can't be punished for your thoughts, only your actions. If you think about dumping a camera into the sink but don't do it, your parents aren't going to yell at you. If you do it, however, look out. It's the same with cursing; if you think a bad word, no one's going to punish you or think less of you, but if you say it out loud, you get the consequences.

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Cursing in Writing is STILL Cursing

A friend of mine and I were emailing recently, and she cursed in one of her emails. I asked her to avoid that kind of language when talking to me in the future, and she said, "But it's just in writing! It doesn't count if you don't say it out loud!" My personal opinion is that yes, it does count when you use a bad word in writing. All the negative effects are still in place, and you're still using the word, if not saying it out loud.

Some members have told me that they and their friends would never say a bad word out loud, but when writing they're not so picky. Put it this way: if you would never bully a person in real life, would you cyber bully them?

A few days later, the same friend emailed me and used the acronym LMAO, which stands for "laughing my a** off." I told her that I would really prefer if she doesn't use that kind of language, and she said, "But I didn't even write out the word!" Even if she didn't use the word, I know what word she would have said had she written the phrase out, so to me, it counts as cursing. (When I want to use something to the effect of LMAO, I either do LOL, ROFL, or LMTO (laughing my tushy off!!).)

So, to sum up, using bad words in writing still counts as cursing, and using acronyms that have bad words in them also counts as cursing.

Living Well is the Best Revenge

George Herbert once said, "Living well is the best revenge." (R.E.M. also had a song by the title "Living Well is the Best Revenge.") This sentiment can be applied to small-scale situations of getting revenge against a person by showing them that you don't have to stoop to their level to get revenge, but that you're living well and way above them. It can also be applied to larger-scale situations, like the Jews vs. the Nazis. The Jews were able to come to America after they were liberated from the concentration camps and create new lives. My maternal grandparents are of these people; they came to America, built up new lives, and perpetuated the Jewish nation that Hitler sought to destroy. My grandmother always felt that having children was the biggest slap across the face she could give Hitler, as if to show him that his mission utterly failed: Jewish children are being born. The Jews live.

Living well is the best revenge. By living a proper life, you are avenging people that do not want you to have one. This doesn't only apply to the Jews and Nazis; it can apply to African-Americans and the KKK, Japanese-Americans and those who put them in internment camps, Native Americans and the government that sent them on the Trail of Tears, etc.

By living well, by speaking eloquently, you are showing the people who discriminate against you that they're wrong. You are an articulate person; you are not inferior to them. They are inferior to you.

What Do You Think of the American Idol Rejects?

On today's American Idol, Ryan Seacrest said "Denver, Colorado...the air is always clean. That us, until Idol shows up." (Check out the first minute of the Denver auditions to see how many people they had to bleep out!!) People who were turned down by the judges were then shown, with bleeps covering up the words they were saying. What do you think of those people, "dirtying" the air with the words they were saying?

Some Media Agrees with Bleep!

I was recently reading the book The Astonishing Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl by Barry Lyga, where the main character meets a person who is "foul-mouthed, annoying, and opinionated" (pg 65). He thinks less of the person he met because of all these reasons.

Ironically, the next book I read, The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton, also addresses the negativity of cursing; the main character states multiple times in the book that his friends curse and he doesn't because he feels it's unnecessary.

If you can think of any other anti-cursing references in books or other media, email me about it at bleep3@gmail.com and I'll include it on this page!

You Can Quote Bad Words

I remember when we were reading To Kill a Mockingbird in class a few months ago, and the teacher had a student read a passage out loud. The girl was reading it, and the word h**l came up. She substituted heck. While I understand her reluctance to say h**l and respect her for it, I really wanted to tell her that it's okay to say the word! When it's part of a quote or title and you're among peers, you can say the bad word. My reasoning is that since it's not actively cursing at someone, simply using a word, it's fine to use. If there were eight-year-olds in the room, I would totally back her decision to substitute an alternative, since it's totally inappropriate to use bad words in front of little kids.

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